ryce

tagal na!

2006-05-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

heehee tagal ko nang walang pinopost.
na-miss ko lng..
and yeah,
it's so unbelievable to finally be in love..
ndi nya ko pinapaiyak like the past guys i had.
heehee!
super saya!
pero ndi pa kami, konting time pa.

ryce*

i never have to feel this way again..

2006-03-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

i give and i dont get..it's time for me to get and get what i want.. the start of the year seems to be bitter for me and now that it's running fast, i have to change some ways that made me weak in the past.. i need not to cry for boys who dont deserve my tears. i need not to stumble everytime boys beat me up. i need not to envy other people that they have lovers who are handsome and good. i need not to understand everything that a boy is telling me..im not being harsh, im just changing ways that could make me a better person. someone who isnt weak, someone who's not a failure and someone who doesnt know where to go. i should know what i want in love. for it is in my capacity to love and think at the same time. i need not be stupid for guys..they have to be stupid for me. im not saying, i will fool everyone i will meet, but i have to be brave and still raise my eyebrows when they dont deserve my love..i will get what i want and those who dumped me like trash, you'll see..you'd wish you had me back and you will love me for the rest of your life..i dont deserve guys who fool me and make me look stupid..you should know my capacity to think and love..i never have to feel this way again..so down, lonely and so alone.i will be happy and i will be satisfied with all the love that i need from a boy. there will be someone who will accept me for who i am. there will be someone who will understand the way i think, the way i act, the way i talk and the way i live life..i am what i am, but i will never ever feel this way again..

ryce*

i had to let go...

2006-01-31T22:41:00.000+08:00

when i saw u at salcedo village... everything became so clear..
i had to let go...
you never even thought of all the prayers i said and all the tears i cried.
you were someone that needs love from other people, someone that needs care of a mother and someone that needs peace from within.
i loved you.
but yeah, i have to let you go...

God bless paraiso...

ryce*

nuevo año!

2006-01-05T06:59:00.000+08:00

nice start of the year!
mom was so mad at me..
my paraiso shot someone..
i dont have much money.
i feel so alone and not so productive...

i wish the year would go on with a simply fabulous flow..
i just want to be happy with studies, friends, family... everything!
i want a new year of happiness and real love!
grrr!
thanks God!i really appreciate what uve done..
ur making me real strong, i know ur there to help...
happy new year to everyone!
muah muah

ryce*

santa!!

2005-12-20T02:34:00.000+08:00

yeah! ill be 21 next year.. sana madami akong gift.
i wanted to ask santa for a "meet-up" with my paraiso early next year.. i just hope santa would hear my cry..
also, healing for my mom's essential positivity for breast cancer..haay.. daming problems this year, hope 2006 will be a very good year for me and my family...
i love my mom and i dont wanna lose her yet..
so to those who are reading this, im beggin you to please pray for my mom's speedy recovery.. i know she'd be able to survive from the cancer.. God will hear us.. i know..
and sana naman diba, makita ko na si paraiso.. para total happiness na talaga..
heehee.
santa ha?! please grant my requests, matagal na po kong ndi humihingi ng gift sa inyo.. ilang years na rin un.. and i know wala kang pinapalampas na hiningi ko..alam mo yan santa..
dba?!
thanks!

merry christmas everyone!
God bless..
ryce*

upgrading

2005-10-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

meeting one of the most respected directors in the philippines is a so pleasurable experience for me... he is a very funny and a witty person and a very kind one i should say. direk manny castañeda is one of those cool friends i have now and i know we'll be having a very nice friendship now and onwards.
i would just want to thank him for being so kind to me.

ryce*

september ends

2005-10-01T16:45:00.000+08:00

september ended yesterday...
i should wake up--

i could rely on that song kasi,
wake me up when september ends...
heehee.
sad-

ryce*

a fone call from san fran

2005-09-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

the talk was so short. it got cut after some seconds. i miss my paraiso so much. and im crying right now. i wasnt able to say all the good words i wanted to tell him, and i didnt hear him speak those good words im longing to hear from him.
i breathe for you paraiso.

ryce*

hayyy

2005-09-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

really cool pic!
tsk tsk tsk...

ryce*

2005-09-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

I MISSER YOU SO MUCH. Ik WEET WAT niet DIT IS ik VOEL. U SCHIJNT OM OP DIT OGENBLIK DE BELANGRIJKSTE PERSOON TE ZIJN AAN EM. Ik HOUD van U.

--- I MISSER YOU SO MUCH. I I FEEL WEET WHAT IS NOT THIS. You SEEM BE Public Prosecution Service ON THIS MOMENT the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO EM. I LOVE you.

hayyy paraiso... im going crazy na. im just here. and youre also the most important person to me right now. i love you so so so much! be safe always!

ryce*

2005-09-14T13:25:00.000+08:00

Ryce, zal ik u roepen alvorens ik wegga. Ik wil een pice van u hebben alvorens de Filippijnen te verlaten. Ik houd mede van u veel Ryce en mijn leven evolueert rond u dit keer. Ik mis u zodat veel en ik ben niet zeker als u mijn woorden koopt, ben ik volledig van het schrijven van dit keer maar ik weet de handeling ontbreekt. Maar werkelijk, houd ik van u en niets zou dat veranderd maken.

hey paraiso, thanks for the message ...

(Ryce, I you call before I leave. I want pice of you have to leaving the Philippines. I love you many Ryce and my life evolves around you this time. I miss you so that much and I am not the more so if you buy my words, am entirely I of writing this time but I weet are lacking the operation. But really, love I you and nothing would make that changed.) -- this si what your text meant. so i almost cried. hope you can read this soon... muah. love you my paraiso....

ryce*

just something...

2005-09-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

i havent posted here something sensible since i was busy with friends and some matters... i missed posting some stuff here about paraiso and some stories of my past. i missed posting here about what i think of something. i missed posting my poems and some essays. i missed my blogspot. hay...
yesterday i read my bestfriend's blog in friendster about his status right now. and i was so guilty because i know when he was here in manila, i always sms or call him up and invite him for a gimmick each night. we even go on for a filthy tripping. and as i read over his blog, i got sad cause i thought ive been a B.I. (better influence... kidding) to a bestfriend. and yeah, upon reading the blog, i saw the importance of everything -- education, friendship, loyalty, joy and love. these are everything in a person. we cannot really see the most essential things by the naked eye... it is felt by the heart and taught by the mind.
he has learned a lot of things when he was here and i know thats the mere purpose of it. me, i am on LOA (Leave of Absence) in Letran. and not studying for a semester is not quite enjoying. before i thought it would satisfy me, it would ease a burden on me, it would set me free from reviewing for exams, doing projects and listening to a professor. but it didnt. im not faking, im telling the truth - that not studying is really making my mind brittle. it's boring me. and how i wish i could really turn back time. i shouldve enrolled and gone to school. im not enjoying life as of the moment.
when i was in a Mass at malate church last sunday, after a gimmick night with friends, i prayed and thought of what i life i am heading. like, it was a really short discerning for me. i thought that it's actually good that i didnt learn a lot of things in school. i learned many importances in living along with the people i love and how my future will grow. i am not useless as of the moment (my friends keep on telling me kiddingly that im useless cause im not studying). now, i can see that "most essential" thing in my life. that right now, i just need to fulfill my duty as a student and as a son, i.e., to study well and love my parents and not tell lies to them about what i am doing.
i miss the Colegio (Letran). i miss doing projects. i miss staying up late, reviewing for an exam. i miss the surprise quizzes. i miss running in the hallway because im gonna be late for my next class. i miss watching films during the Pelikuletran. i miss attending Excellance. i miss everything about my school.
yeah, ill be back in Letran soon and plea to Ms Wen that she reconsider me to the CA department. i cant get another course, 'cause i dont wanna get back to being a freshman again.
i just wanna be thankful for the beautiful sunday i had. a realization came in and thanks for the kiss on the floor (i kissed the facade of Malate church cause it was my first time to go to Mass there). i know it was a really good invitation to prayer and discerning. i have to have my education anew. like my bestfriend, i have to learn things too, and i did.

ryce*

hay...

2005-09-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

may braces na naman ako... sakit na naman sa ngipin to!
hmpf!

ryce*

eksayting

2005-08-31T13:54:00.000+08:00

it's nice waking up eveyday, knowing that youre longing for someone. and that someone knows he's longing for you too. so you feel an urge to breathe more air, though manila is so polluted - you know it's just fine. cause living for your someone really makes you feel good and awesome! and during the day, when you feel so happy, you tend to make other people happy. and everything around would be so clear and nice. like, everything you do, you do for the one youre longing for. you promise to keep yourself up because you know, the one who's returning the "longing" thing, would be sad if he knows youre not doing good. so in effect, you really try to make things so perfect, even if he doesnt see it. and you know in your heart and mind that what all you are doing are for him. sometimes, things that arent seen are the ones essential - antoine de saint exupery told us that in "the little prince". well, it's true anyway. and when you feel that all things are in order for the one youre longing for, the feeling just keeps on getting lighter and easier. with prayers and trust, you wouldnt have any regrets in longing for that person. and that is really "swabe". each morning when you wake up, you feel excited being so good for him.

paraiso, i long for you really!

love you!

i promised you, ill keep myself up.

and i am really trying.

and everyday, im feeling so excited doing good things.

because when i do good things, those are for you.

and i know each day, i do good things.

muah!

ryce*

creepy and funny

2005-08-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

10:30, muntik ako maholdap ng dalawang lalake.
nakipag patintero muna ako sa pangalawang lalakeng humarang sakin.
nakita ko, may hawak siyang bronze na balisong.
sobrang sumigaw ako.
"hoholdapin nila ko!!!"
tapos tumalikod ako.
tumakbo sa pinakamalapit na tindahan.
sumuot sa maliit na pinto nila.
at paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa kanilang hoholdapin ako.
lahat ng tao sa pinangyarihan nu'n,
nagpunta sa tindahan,
tanong nang tanong kung ano'ng nangyari
pawis na pawis ako.
sobrang nanginginig.
kinakabahan, na baka balikan ako ng mga holdaper at tuluyan akong patayin.
natatakot ako.

natatawa na rin,
dahil sa palagay ko,
natakot pa sila sa tili ko.
kasi ba naman,
mangholdap ba sa tapat ng street light?
buti hindi talaga natuloy.
grabe.

creepy talaga!
kakatakot yung ichura ng mga holdaper.
at yung lugar.
funny kasi,
yung friend kong lalakeng lalake, hindi nakapalag sa holdaper nung isang araw.
e ako, bading,
nagawa kong takbuhan yung mga holdaper.
sus!
iba tlaga powers ng bading!

thank you Lord, naging ganito ako.
thank you kasi alam ko nasa tabi kita noon.
iba ka talaga Lord.
wala kang katulad.

ryce*

I Loved

2005-08-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

When I was just a child, I asked my mom how to make a baby. And she answered “a child is made because of love”. So I thought loving other people would give me a baby that easy. So I tried to love everyone. I loved my teachers, my classmates, my friends, and my siblings. And each day I loved them, each day I cared for them, each day I tried to understand them. And after sometime, I have had enough of loving them, I asked each of them, “when will you give me a baby?” they just laughed and told me, “I can’t give you a baby!”

So, i got tired of loving everyone. But still I love my own family and some friends. I tried to look for someone who i can love and give me a baby. I looked for her, and now she’s here. But she never saw me. She’s blind. She had an accident when she was still a teenager. And she had to suffer from being blind the rest of her life. When I met her, I loved her even though she’s not that perfect. I loved her for her courage to understand things that happened to her. And I cared for her. And then when it was time to tell her about what i was feeling, she knew what to answer. She accepted me. And loved me in return.

But we never had a baby. Cause she can’t have one. The accident caused her to be impotent. And now, I realized that loving someone doesn’t need a baby for proof of love. It’s the union of two hearts that is important. Love has so many ways in changing a person’s point of view of what love is. Because if people saw love in that manner (having a baby as proof), love will never conquer the world. We love because we see things in a different way. We love because the person is giving us joy, hope and courage.

And I think, I gave those to my wife.

i did this in 5-10 minutes only, so if you have questions or violent reactions just send me a comment okay?!
it's for my bro's homework,so it has a girl on it.haha!!

ryce*

mom!

2005-08-21T21:56:00.000+08:00

happy birthday mommy!
ur 44 now and uhm i just wish you lots of happiness.
i know that youre happy now with what you have - us (your family), your career, and everything in you. but still, happiness within your heart.
heehee.
today i prayed to God to give you strength, joy and courage to face each burden you have. i know that were going through a lot of difficulties right now, and i know that you need to be strong not for yourself but for us...
yeah. i wish for so many things for you, but yeah, i have to like just keep it in me cause, those would be my plans for you and daddy too when you grow older and wont be able to support us anymore.
i so love you mom!
no other mom can ever replace you, i can't imagine life without you.
youre my strength, joy, courage and hope.
your love is making me complete and unique from all other people.
i thank God for you.
love u ulit!

ryce*

i wish someday youd be able to read this. heehee.

ulan

2005-08-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

kulimlim ng langit
nagbabadya ng musika
ng halimuyak
ng lamig

ang iyong mga mata'y kumikislap
habang ang langit ay umiiyak
iiandayog tayo sa saliw ng musika;
tining ng patak ng ulan

nakaupo akong hubad
ikaw ngayo'y aking kalong
ang ula'y malamig
ngunit yakap mo ang aking init

kay sarap ng pag-ulan
kay sarap din ng iyong paghalik
ang paghawi mo sa aking buhok
ang pag-indayog mo kasabay ng ulan

tinitingala kita
habang baywang mo ay aking yakap
nag-iingay tayong kasabay ng ulan
basa ng pawis

kay buti ng ulan
tayo'y tunay na nagmamahalan
sana'y hindi tumigil ang buhos ng ulan
at tayo'y hindi rin titigil.

ryce*
4:34pm
sta rita.

tomorrow?!

2005-08-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

ill be in black nails tomorrow. i dont think andy will like it, but the hell i care! im out of that seminary now, and i have to be a star for them tomorrow. i hope ms odessa is wearing a good dress tomorrow. heehee. ms odessa and i will be stars tomorrow. and yeah, julius told me he'll be fabulous tomorrow too. heehee.
after that, i have to change clothes for the party.
anyway, im just posting something here tonight. dont knwo what to post. heehee. i wish it would be a very succesful event for the icmasinos and the PLU's heehee.
hay, i dont know what to do after this, im nearly done talking to some people i love. esp paraiso, so... ill be lonely again.
i wasnt able to catch my friends at providence. sayang, i would want to sing pa naman. hmpf!
i miss them a lot, thats why im here in manila for them... hay...

ryce*

one of the most loved talk i had...

2005-08-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

paraiso: hey
ryce vicencio: ??
paraiso: sorry ryce
paraiso: i have to get out for awhileparaiso: so you're leaving nowparaiso: sorryparaiso: i'll miss youryce vicencio: yeah its okayparaiso: ryce vicencio: i love you mikeparaiso: i love you ryceryce vicencio: paraiso: mmmryce vicencio: heeheeryce vicencio: alex is online!paraiso: heheparaiso: are u leaving?ryce vicencio: not yetryce vicencio: hahaparaiso: lolparaiso: i uploaded the picture nowryce vicencio: cool!paraiso: ill send it to youryce vicencio: so can i see it?ryce vicencio: is that the kulot pic?paraiso: no noparaiso: just the ordinary pictureryce vicencio: ah okayparaiso: wait im just uploading sweertieryce vicencio: yeah thats okayryce vicencio: nasa condo ka ba?ryce vicencio: oh sorry!paraiso: oporyce vicencio: not for youryce vicencio: heeheeparaiso: lolryce vicencio: sorry!ryce vicencio: anywayryce vicencio: heeheeparaiso: lolryce vicencio: so whats up?!ryce vicencio: hahaparaiso: uploading honeyryce vicencio: yeah okayryce vicencio: are you antok?paraiso: nopeparaiso: my pic looks antokparaiso: heheryce vicencio: ah okayryce vicencio: haharyce vicencio: cge ill waitparaiso: sent sexyryce vicencio: oh cool!ryce vicencio: thats fastparaiso: huy sexyryce vicencio: nyekparaiso: psst sexyparaiso: heheryce vicencio: hey?paraiso: yeah?ryce vicencio: oh my goshparaiso: i resized it...it suppose to be VERY big. lolryce vicencio: u look so so so so cool!!!paraiso: paraiso: boooleroooooryce vicencio: yeah!!!ryce vicencio: im not kidding!paraiso: im so pangit!ryce vicencio: no way!ryce vicencio: if youre oanget then im more panget!paraiso: notparaiso: trueparaiso: atparaiso: allparaiso: im exhausted thereparaiso: lolryce vicencio: no way!paraiso: my hair is sheddingryce vicencio: you look so coolparaiso: my cheeks are breakingryce vicencio: im meltingparaiso: i look like stupid with the hand gestureryce vicencio: i swear!paraiso: haharyce vicencio: no wayryce vicencio: oh mikeryce vicencio: i dont think i can meet up with youparaiso: ryceparaiso: stop saying thatryce vicencio: yeah!ryce vicencio: i felt that wayparaiso: i love you ryceryce vicencio: yeah i love you too mikeparaiso: ryce vicencio: i cant look at itryce vicencio: my heart is really beating fastparaiso: ryceryce vicencio: cause ur so greatparaiso: you're kidding meparaiso: no wayryce vicencio: no way!ryce vicencio: u know i dont lie muchryce vicencio: heeheeparaiso: oh mikeparaiso: ay ryce palaparaiso: haharyce vicencio: ahahahaparaiso: love you ryceryce vicencio: yeahryce vicencio: i love you too mikeparaiso: if you think i look greatparaiso: then thats for youparaiso: Dparaiso: ryce vicencio: well yeah! you look really greatryce vicencio: im not kiddingryce vicencio: its good that we dont meet up yetparaiso: why ryceryce vicencio: cause im really shyryce vicencio: i melted mikeparaiso: ryceparaiso: my feelings are all for you nowparaiso: ryce vicencio: well yeah me tooryce vicencio: butryce vicencio: hay...ryce vicencio: i felt like im so panget when i saw itryce vicencio: really!!!ryce vicencio: no kiddingparaiso: no way ryceryce vicencio: like im not worthy to meet u upparaiso: manparaiso: thats not trueparaiso: im not worthy to meet up such a great guy like you ryceryce vicencio: no wayryce vicencio: im a no oneparaiso: NOparaiso: you're very mabait ryceparaiso: and everythingparaiso: i'm notryce vicencio: no way!ryce vicencio: ur everythingryce vicencio: and i ur my starparaiso: ryceparaiso: i love you so muchryce vicencio: i love you too so so muchryce vicencio: hay...ryce vicencio: im just staring at itparaiso: ryceparaiso: boleroparaiso: haharyce vicencio: oh noryce vicencio: no wayryce vicencio: u know i hate bolerosryce vicencio: and why would i be boleroparaiso: mmmparaiso: i uploaded it at dlryce vicencio: ohparaiso: and friendstersparaiso: lolryce vicencio: coolryce vicencio: yea u shouldparaiso: lolryce vicencio: im just staring at itryce vicencio: i really am meltingparaiso: ryceparaiso: ryce vicencio: yeahryce vicencio: hayryce vicencio: i wont be able to sleepryce vicencio: id be thinking of you all nightryce vicencio: till tomorrowryce vicencio: i might be tulalaparaiso: ryceparaiso: stop itparaiso: lolryce vicencio: im not kiddingparaiso: i'll send you the original size thenparaiso: since oyu like it so muchparaiso: haharyce vicencio: haharyce vicencio: nyekparaiso: hey dumdum is waiting for youryce vicencio: yeahryce vicencio: he's still not txtingryce vicencio: so its okayparaiso: oh okayparaiso: lolryce vicencio: anywayryce vicencio: ill leave in 5minsryce vicencio: ill prepareparaiso: oh okayparaiso: lolryce vicencio: i want to kiss you nowparaiso: ill just send the hi-res later onryce vicencio: yeahparaiso: aww manryce vicencio: yeahparaiso: lolryce vicencio: and hug youryce vicencio: but i cantryce vicencio: paraiso: you will someday sweetieparaiso: and even got to tast meparaiso: haharyce vicencio: ryce vicencio: i wish its soonparaiso: yeahryce vicencio: paraiso: haayryce vicencio: paraiso: eiparaiso: you're like meparaiso: crazyryce vicencio: ryce vicencio: i wanna cry nowryce vicencio: reallyparaiso: oh ryceparaiso: you're making me wanna cry too seetheart'ryce vicencio: oh dont cryryce vicencio: u dont have any reasonparaiso: im so in loveparaiso: and i can feel it right nowryce vicencio: yeah me tooryce vicencio: but thats not the reason why i wanna cryparaiso: whyryce vicencio: i dont knowryce vicencio: hay...ryce vicencio: change of plansparaiso: ryce vicencio: dumdum doesnt want me to go nowparaiso: yeah?paraiso: oh badparaiso: hey i'll log out for 15 mins..ryce vicencio: yeah its okayparaiso: urgentparaiso: see ya love youryce vicencio: love youryce vicencio: im going now tooryce vicencio: byeryce vicencio: love you mikeparaiso has signed out. (8/17/2005 10:06 PM)

just try to understand okay?
i cant edit this talk,heehee.
muah!

ryce*

hirap no?!

2005-08-12T11:18:00.000+08:00

last night, i was at starbucks manila pavilion with a friend -- alex (the runaway princess). we were talking about lovelife stuff. so i was like -- NR (no reaction) about it. cause really, i have nothing to share to her. but im feeling something for someone, and i dont think it would be so possible that we'd get along and really be in love with each other when we meet. good thing, alex has lots to share to me... she has uhm someone right now. and i even get to talk to her love on the fone.

hay... it's really difficult when you're in love in the wrong time. but do you think this is love im feeling? we havent met yet, but i can really feel something intimate whenever we talk online. not the lusty intimate feeling but the comfortable one. this has not happened to me yet. and im sure, i know, i feel -- this is possibly love. im going crazy over it.

and last night, i had a dream about him. and i can still remember every detail of the dream! so that means he's really important. but i got sad when i woke up cause the dream was sad. so i had a heart ache this morning. ang hirap no?! lalo na pag di ka sure sa mga mangyayari. i just wish, and i know he wishes this too -- that we'd be able to meet in God's good time. and be able to be good friends in case we wont like each other when we meet. with just this virtual insanity, an exciting and lovely life has begun in me. i would never really forget this stage...

i so love you paraiso. you brighten each of my days. you have my heart.

ryce*

the child is - a heart is

2005-08-11T08:53:00.000+08:00

this is just an idea of comparion about a child and a heart. so you can add comments or some other insights about this comparison.thanks!

a child is - a heart is

a child is always hungry. cries out for milk, maybe for cerelac and his mother's breasts. crumbles for water when he's thirsty, screams when he's tummy boils. he is like the heart - cries when it is lonely, bleeds when it is thirsty for love. it screams when it needs another heart to feed it. feed it with joy, hope and courage.these three adjectives are like water, cerelac and the mother's breasts where the heart seeks for only one satisfaction. the child is satisfied when he is filled with food. the heart is satisfied when it is filled with just love.

a child is unconstant in behavior. in a certain time span he smiles, cries, laughs out loud, screams, giggles, silences, envies, plays, frowns, asks. he do these verbs to just be simply satisfied. these verbs are also felt by the heart. it is also unconstant in behavior, especially when it knows how to determine if another close heart is doing the same thing. like a child, it does not do anything if another child is not doing anything. he just silences. the heart also silences.

a child always tries hard to do things he can't. he reaches for something he can't reach, understands talk of the elders, completes a puzzle that's big enough for him to solve, eats anything even if it is not food. the heart tries even harder to do things. it reaches the other heart even if it's unreachable, desires to understand even if it would cause it to bleed much, caters so that it would complete a very fine feeling, tries to solve the aches it is undergoing, loves even if it is not loved.

a child seeks for happiness. everyone seeks for it though. but when a child seeks for happiness, the mother has to give it. the mother must not surrender. because he will cry and cry, and no one would be able to stop him from crying. a heart seeks for hapiness too. and its happiness is love from another heart. it would remain lonely if it's not contended with the love given by the other heart. it would seek for contentment until it finds the other heart's happiness-giving. nothing can stop the heart from seeking happiness, but just the one heart that can give it.

a child always seeks for truth. asks why and how everytime he sees something unusual or new to his sight and insights. "why is the sky blue?"; "how is a baby created?"; "why do we eat?"; "how did you become my mom?"; these are common questions of a child if he is seeking for true answers. he knows the truth if a reliable source would answer his questions. and stops asking if he has trust with the person he asks from. the heart seeks for truth too. it also asks. "why am i bleeding so bad?"; "how come you let me love you?"; it is the nature of the heart to seek for reality and ponder on the truth. if it is contended with the answer, it loves more - like the child that trusts.

a child is dependent. when he is alone, he looks for someone to be with. if he hungers, someone must feed him. if he pees at night, someone must change his diapers. if he does something good, someone must praise him. if he stumbles, someone must lift him up. a heart is dependent. if another heart leaves, it aches. if it is alone, another heart must embrace it. if if is bleeding, another heart must cure it. a child needs guidance primarily from his parents. a heart needs guidance of the mind. the child thinks on his own, but the parents need to supervise them, if not, needs to decide for him with everything. the heart feels on its own. but the mind needs to command on it.

a child always thinks that he is the "king of the world". everyone must spoil him. the heart is the same. the owner must spoil it. because if the owner would not spoil it, love would never rule.

a child is careless. though he does not know in himself, he cares a lot. a heart is careless. though it does not know in itself, it loves a lot.

ryce*
-100805-
1:42am
delafuente apt.

sangandaan

2005-08-10T13:20:00.000+08:00

this is just so vague... i cant edit it. i hope someone would give a comment on this....

siya, matino
ako, hindi mapalagay
nawawalang pareho
kahit magkaiba

suliranin niya
hindi ko maarok
kahit anong intindi
kay hirap unawain

iba-iba ng antas
buhay ay kay hirap
matamasa ang kaginhawahan
bakit?

siya, mayaman
ako, naghihikahos
iba't iba ng landasin
sangandaan ang tinatahak

nasa atin ang pagpipilian
tayo ang lalandas
mahirap arukin ang buhay
kailangan maglakbay

ryce*

with you

2005-08-10T13:14:00.000+08:00

to uhm, someone who im longing for...

lift me up with you
join in me your wings
let us fly
let us soar
i wanna be with you
help m feel
the heaven's scent
touch me with your magic
fill me with joy
up there is where i want to be
with you
ending my troubles
with you
giving me hope
there in heaven
with you

ryce*

nursery rhymes

2005-08-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

stars in my sky
moon as my light
brightens my night
sets y fears in flight

magical dangling joys
sets my mood and voice
like a chld that plays toys
givs me happiness and poise

ryce*

--haha, nothing in my mind, just did this for nothing.

it's good to be back

2005-08-09T06:11:00.000+08:00

i missed manila. not just my friends who are studying here, but of course, the ambiance and everything this city has to offer. i have been good in subic, where, i never had any night out fun and gimmicks! grabe, i was so lonely when i was there in subic... of course now, im so so happy because i get to see my friends, my dear dear friends and also, the night fun! ahaha. but that's not really what i came for. of course, i need to do some unfinished business here. letran is still my school and im going back next semester. hay...

when i came this morning, i went straight to my friends' house in dela fuente, sampaloc. and i saw them all, didnt go to class. ahaha. they were so ingay when i came. cause i know they missed me heehee. and yeah, i so missed them too.

yun lang. i just wanted to share something. heehee.

it's really good to be back.hayy....

ryce*

and yesterday was so fun

2005-08-05T07:46:00.000+08:00

i went to plaridel, bulacan yesterday and i was so happy cause i saw my former teacher and friend, mrs odessa santos. also, i was able to see fr norman, one of the best priests and an inspiration, fr conrad and the new batch of the PY2 department of ICMAS. oh and i saw that the tarpolines were still posted. those tarpolines have my shots on it. so i was like so overwhelmed. those billboards were used when we had our major concert in ICSB malolos. "Hesus: Noon at Ngayon" held last feb 14, 2003. i sang "with a smile" with jam. i choreographed some dances there. and with the help of julius, we tried to make the stage look fabulous. so when i got back there, i remembered that PY2 is the most colorful thing that happened to my life.

before, we used to stay in bustos, not in plaridel, bulacan. they relocated now. all the seminary fathers didnt believe in the formation that PY2 is offering and they thought of demolishing the program. the seminary fathers wanted to have the money given to the department so they ended up with the plan of demolishing it. so they have to relocate to plaridel because the place is free of charge. in bustos, we used to pay for rental of the place. but fr norman and fr conrad (director and prefect of discpline of PY2) fought for it. they so love the PY2 department and i saw that the department brings so much joy and contentment to a person. that's why i decided to go out of the seminary. because is where i thought of my vocation. the PY2 program is the most defining stage in the ICMAS formation.

anyway, i missed my seminary life when i got back there. cause i had lots of not so cool and so so so cool experiences when i was in the major seminary. and now im thinking, if i didnt get out of the seminary, would i be very productive and would i be enjoying life?! and it was a good thing i did that desicion, cause ifever id be in the seminary until now, i would have a so barren life. but sometimes i enjoy having a religious life. i got to give retreats and recollections when i was still in there, and that was really cool! and sleeping so late is really mandatory. haha. cause we have to study philosophy a lot and yeah, latin was really difficult. i hated latin. but now, im like so proud cause i learned it.

going to bulacan was really tiring. i have to ride 2 vans - one going to pampanga and another going to plaridel. and the waiting time was so long. cause we have to wait until the van is full. normally, when i travel from olongapo to bulcan, it would just take me 2 hours. but yesterday, it took me like 3 1/2 hours. so my hair was so not in order and my bronzer already melted. haha. so i looked so haggard when i arrived in plaridel. and i got to sit-in in ms odessa's class. and it felt so good bringing back the class set-up we had when i was in PY2.

after staying in plaridel, ms odessa, fr norman and i went to guiguinto. so, i was able to see my former classmates and they havent changed! they were still the same funny guys i used to know. especially pao, jam and julius. oh how i miss those guys. before, when we used to have night-outs - me, pao, jam, jose and ronald go together. cause whenever were out, we enjoy having coffee and smoking. heehee. were not allowed to smoke inside and outside the seminary, but we do it all the time. sometimes we smoke in my room if our formators are not around. that's why i have lots of scented candles and incense in my room to cover up for the smell.

then it was time to go home cause its 5pm already and they still have schedules and we cant interrupt them. so ms odessa and i still went to walter mart cause she have to buys pasalubong for her kids and have to pay something in globe center. while we were on the frontier, we were singing and telling some songs that we know. and ms odessa and i have lots of favorite songs in common. and that really had us jived and missed each other, though we sometimes meet in makati and greenhills ifever she goes to manila for some reasons.

bringing back memories is really one of the best medicines in curing boredom. makes you feel so relieved and you tend to miss your past. good thing my past was colorful. i enjoyed traveling and yesterday was so fun!

hayyy...

oh yeah, i went to bulcan yesterday because it was our investiture anniversary last august 2. and it was fr norman's sacerdotal ordination anniversary yesterday. =) i cant help but visit them.

ryce*

that there is

2005-08-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

horizons speak reality
never had chance
but destiny is choice
i am locked up
i need your glances

i am a prisoner
of love and hate
but i still look with courage
on how to deal with tears
i look forward to having you

but time is not now.
or maybe never
but i still wish
i still dream
i still sense.

my psychology has been out of place
i am going insane
i dont know where to lead
i am lost
astray

but horizons speak reality
i have to ask them
will this destiny be fulfilled
will my life end joyful?
i dont know

you havent seen my fullness
but i tell you
my love overflows
i am yours
someday you'll open up your arms

happiness
that is what i long for
joy, lust and love
there's a lot in store for you
that there is me - so into you.

we'll hold hands
that would be exciting
that would be fulfilling
cause that is destiny
and that is reality

heaven and earth is meeting
and no one can sense it
it is possible
horizons tell the truth
we are heaven and earth.

ryce*

sad

2005-08-02T14:43:00.000+08:00

this is my second time to write about this sadness im feeling. the first time, just before this. i got disconnected from the internet and the stuff i wrote were all gone. so im pissed!

anyway, this is kind of a recalling thing now. cause i cant remember everything ive written a while ago. nakakaasar talaga.

uhm, the sadness im feeling is getting worse each day. cause when i come to think of what to do when i wake up, i end up with the same things i do everyday. and it's not good! but when i get to go online every night and see the one im longing for online too - i smile. and i get so comfortable with my day.

the sadness im feeling is rooted with traditional and modernized or i might say "youthful" thinking of the people around me esp. my family. they think so traditional and unliberal, that's why we dont meet the expectiations we want for ourselves - like me having funky hair and some accessories that they think does not suit for a "matino" person. they would always want me to be matino, and i am. but not in the sense that being that so studiuos person, uhm getting along with the nerdy people and those stuff. did i make sense? anyway, i cant frankly tell how i really feel about my family esp my mom and my nana (grandma). cause they would always dictate on me, what hairstyle, clothes, accessories to wear, who to get along with, and how to act. and that is really not so "me". and im 20 years old now so being matino is really not that kind of thing. im matino in the sense that im not bulakbol and stuff. im just a normal person, well, not really normal cause im gay, heehee. but at least im not like the others who're running away from home and stuff. i so love my family. but the way they say things and think about stuff about me, thats really making me sad. im not blaming them. they are part of my sadness.

another thing - im sad cause i dont get to meet my friends. i live for my friends and id die for them, so not seeing them for weeks, months, years would really make me so sick! and im starting to get sick right now. cause really, im no one without my friends. subic has lots to offer but i cant feel subic when im alone. huhuhu.

so yeah, im sad because of what my family thinks about me, and because i dont have my friends with me for such a long time now. im feeling so alone.

and lastly, ive been single for quite long now. and i need someone to make me really happy. although i had 12 boyfriends, that wont make me happy. i would want to actually erase that profile in me. having lots of them. cause people are thinking im a player, but im not. i would always want love and affection. it would be a joy for me to give love to someone who loves me. and i know someone is feeling for me right now, but im not sure if that would be love for a commitment or love for a friend. thats why im sad. not really because im single but because of the confusion that im so kilig now but soon, i would just end up being friends with him. hayyy...

and im sad, cause im not studying right now. and i always wanted to be productive and i cant help but just do the same things everyday.

sad! hayy...

ryce*

this would just be an idea

2005-07-31T16:08:00.000+08:00

i dont have anything in my mind right now. but im trying to think of something to write...

i dont wanna write something about politics now, cause i know, id be going nowhere.

uhm, fashion sense would not be a good topic, cause im baduy. heehee.hayyy...

anyway, someone is doing a show for me on cam. he doesn't look so good.. but he has a nice body tone. =) and he is unzipping his short pants right now. he has a nice belly button. but im not yet aroused. wahahaha!! and he's doing something. i dont know how he brought the cam to the restroom, but he's in a restroom right now. with a white underwear, and a loose tangerine shirt. i think he's jacking off right now, but the cam is focused on his face unconsciously. so i cant get to see the thing he's doing. and he's done now. i didnt enjoy. i didnt know what he did, heehee. anyway, i think it would be so cool if i would write something about lust and love?? hmmm...

LUST --
one of the seven capital sins (obviously). does lust have something to do with love? stupid question. there would be no connection, though when you make love, you're lusty. am i misleading? moving on, lust can give you sickness. uhm whatelse? personal point of view -- lust is something a man or a woman would do if he / she is lonely. no one would be very lustful if everone loves everybody and everything. those who have problems with self which they dont notice, do jack offs often. so try to communicate wisely with other people. especially to the families. so to take off lust in own's self. really a bad habit, doing sex with self. heehee. though i do it sometimes... and i realized, i do it because im lonely... heehee. so lust has something to do with loneliness, not with love.

LOVE --
no one can really define love. there are so many people who tried to define love, but what love is? really? i dont have anything to say about this idea, but i know i have felt this. the mind, its capacity to understand, tells us how to love. they way we feel it, the way we have to do it. but why do we feel love in the heart? i think, for us to not think about how we will love, but how we'd be able to feel love's passion. love has become instant these past few years. instant in the sense that, online chatting came, sms, etc... oh, now, speed-dating is really spreading... yeah and people get to meet other people that easy. sometimes, people fall in love with someone they havent met yet. and it happened to me, heehee. i was so pathetic kasi. anyway, love can never change, unless it comes from the mind; not from the heart.
i dont think i made sense with these ideas, but i dont have anything to write. heehee. so... yeah thats it. please feel free to write comments on about this thing ok? hayyy...

ryce*

hindi ako tao

2005-07-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

nakatayo ako.
nakatitig.
sa kawalang tagpo.
sa alapaap ng ating nakaraan.
masaya.
ngayo'y dugo ang luha.
nakatayo.
nakatitig.
nakatanga sa kawalang tagpo.
ang iyong paglisan.
ang iyong pag-ayaw sa akin.
hindi batid ng isipan kung bakit.
bakit.
bakit.
anong mali.
anong tama.
bumalik ka.
nang magkabuhay muli.
patay ang aking isip.
kaluluwa.
puso.
hindi buhay.
hindi na ako tao.
hindi na ramdam ang pag-ibig.
hindi ramdam ang iyong hiningang kay init.
na sa umaga'y sakin humahalimuyak.
wala na akong pakiramdam.
nakatitig.
nakatanga.
sa kawalang tagpo.
manhid.
walang pakiramdam.
hindi ako tao.
simula nang lumisan ka.
ako'y wala nang halaga.
hindi na ako tao.
wala ka na.
hindi ako tao.
wala ka.

ryce*

another day

2005-07-31T15:59:00.000+08:00

there will be a new tomorrow. gloria arroyo, stop the crap. many of us know ur not doing well in your office. though u were in good in your SONA. i just wanted to have another day. a day with cool lifestyle. where people are not in the streets, making fun of their leader. i just hope ull feel the way people are treating you right now. people are getting poorer. and yeah of course you dont mind that. cause your family is getting wealthy. i just hope this blog would try to make a new tomorrow. another day is starting nearly, and i hope you'd realize, that your term is not really meant today. people might have trust in you, if you'll give them another day of having a really "true" leader. anyway, thanks for the 30,000 classrooms you provided. that was not much but it's good anyway.

ryce*

the necessity of falling

2005-07-31T14:32:00.000+08:00

this was my final exam when i was in icmas. orals with fr norman. the necessity of falling.

sometimes we fall. but i think it's sometimes necessary to fall. why do we fall? because we are weak. not too strong to hold on, not too strong to stand on our own grounds. we sometimes need to feel how to stay low and feel that everyone is above us. we have to be humble and meek sometimes in order for us to understand the things that are taking us to that pedestal we are reaching. mistakes and errors are important for us. we should learn from them. and we should be able to treat the past as one of our foundations. foundations in order for us to have a better standing in the future. this is one of my explanations about the necessity of falling.

the next thing -- it is necessary to fall. being in love is falling. and that is weakness. we see things in a different way when we fall in love. and that is not the real us. we tend to forget our daily routines and we try to adapt to the one we love. we let go of other things and that is more of a weakness in us. people would say that would be bravery, but i think not. its part of being weak because we fall for others, not for oursleves. and giving is weakness. weakness is not really a negative thing. it is positive because weakness is having humility, meekness and the desire to improve what is not strong in our personality, physical and emotional state.

the necessity of falling is that we have to have humilty and meekness. we have to learn from the things of the past and learn how to deal with it in the future. we are given chances to fall. so we could rise up again and be humbled when we're in that pedestal we're reaching. we fall in love because we feel something for others and that is humility. we care for others and that is meekness. so this is the necessity of falling.

and in the philosophical perspective -- the necessity of falling is falling for the truth. the love for the truth is what makes us fall. and that is necessary that we know about the truth. we live for the truth. and stand for it. we should fall for the truth and stand for it. cause if we dont fall for it, how can we be able to stand for it. do you get it?! did i explain it well? or was it nonsense? hayy...

ryce*

i just remember the old times

2005-07-31T13:33:00.000+08:00

im now chatting with one of the bestfriends i have.
ren.
and she told me i havent changed. and found her words so sweet. although were talking through yahoo messenger, i can still feel that she's near. for 2 straight years, we havent seen each other. and i missed her so much! i miss the sweetness and the malait attitude in her. haha. thats why im so malait now, because of her. malaking impluwensiya ung babaeng yun. anyway, when i saw her last may, i was so shocked. kasi she looked so different. the kikay girl that i used to be with is now a nerdy. she wears her correctional glasses all the time now, and a she's so quiet. but still a trend-setter. hehe. and now, she can study without me. though sometimes, she would send me emails, telling me to help her with her school works, esp when it has something to do with english and literature. heehee. weve been friends since i was opened to my personality, and she's one of those who accepted me for who i am. and she was cool with it. even her mom loves me cause she's one of the gay people too. there was one time when we were talking, she asked me, " kelan tayo mag si six-nine-ow?" haha. i didn't know what 6-9-0 was. and she told me it's a gay bar thing. of course i didn't know anything about that when i was in high school and i was not yet open with that. all i know is that im gay and hang-outs for gays dont exist. anyway, way back in high school, you can never see ren-ren without me. and in some schoool performances, you can see us together in the stage. she, playing the guitar for me, and me, singing. baliktad no?! im the one who's supposed to do her part, but she plays better than me or she plays best. she was not quiet in class. we talk loud together. and teachers wont get mad, because it's me and ren talking. were close with the teachers, except for Mrs. Uy. the not so good english teacher. and in high school, the both of us pretended to know everything. pero in fairness, even if we didn't study that hard, high school was not that bad for us. we had so much fun and laughter. and i miss that. actually, i dont feel like im a collegian right now. cause i still have fun. i cant get this childish acts out of me... that is why, im not so serious with everything. but i love genuinely. i think that is what a child is. anyway, i just missed ren. and i miss her whenever were fighting. our fight would last for 10 minutes. then were good after it. cause we miss each other when were not together.
after high school, we went to baguio to study, she enroled in UB, i was in SLU. but we lived in one house and that was so cool! we had our own rooms and the house was really nice. after the first semester, we transfered to manila. cause baguio was not a good place for us. we didn't had friends there and we're always homesicked. so, we both transfered to UE. she was a pre-dent there, i was a comm arts student. but after that, i entered the seminary and she was still in UE. that was when we werent able to have contact. i didnt had a fone, cause we're not allowed to use mobiles in the seminary... and i missed those times when we used to go to school together, cook breakfast for us and just sit beside her, tell her about my day.
ren is one of the best i have. i just hope someday soon, we'll be able to do those stuff again. i miss you ren.
friendship has always been part of my system. i live for my family, and of course for my friends. without them, i may be in the streets, begging for love and affection from other people. i know they love me for who i am that's why i love for them.
anyway, i just remembered the old times. and i love it.

ryce*

failed plans

2005-07-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

dapat sana aayusin ko na e, kaya lang andami tlagang hadlang. sayang, isang planong mahusay pa naman ang inilalaan ko para sa kinabukasan ko. hindi na natuloy. kaasar!

ryce*

ur a star

2005-07-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

ur a star i cant reach
so high so bright
i hope you'll see
that someone like me
someone not so high
not so bright
would want a star like you.
and that someday
you will feel
my eagerness of having you
and you
my star
would go down from the sky
and fall for me...

ryce*

i am ryce*

2005-07-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

everybody is telling me, i am beautiful. but i am not.

everybody is telling me i am a genius. i am sensible.

everybody is telling me i can build a better future of my own, but i can't.

everybody is telling me that i have everything.

i am not perfect.
i speak the truth. but i am a liar.

i sing songs - not for anyone but for myself.

i dance. because i am crazy.

i laugh because i am human.

i cry because i have a heart.
everybody dictates on me i am above no one.

i am always a slave.

i am not humble.
i love what is ugly, imperfect...

because they are more often real.
i am ugly.

i am imperfect.

i am real.

ryce*